6 Ways to Deal With Parenting Style Differences as a Grandparent

Becoming a grandparent is one of life’s greatest joys and is twofold. Watching your children become parents and seeing them nurture their young children as you once did. With time, parenting styles have changed, and this is probably where you might disagree most with your child. Their way of raising their children might not be acceptable to you, but these issues can be addressed and resolved with patience, understanding, and open communication.

Finding Balance Between Grandparenting Boundaries and Freedom

All houses have their own rhythm, and every member plays an important part in keeping it. The roles, rules, and responsibilities are clearly defined. But when grandchildren enter the equation, everybody’s roles may shift just a bit. Sometimes, it will bring new energy and happiness, while at other times, it can lead to a clash of ideas about routines and rules. In the middle of this change, finding the right balance is important for your family.

You may notice your adult children doing things differently than you once did. For example, they may prefer a stricter bedtime routine for your grandchildren, or perhaps they like to be a little more flexible. And that’s perfectly okay. You can support them by sprinkling in some “grandparent moments” while keeping your children in the loop. Before you know it, the parenting style conflicts over rules and flexibility will sort themselves out.

Focusing on Empathy and Openness

As a grandparent, you are your child’s greatest ally in helping them raise your grandchildren. You are not their competition or someone with something to prove. Your decades of parenting experience speaks for itself.

Most importantly, talking openly with your children usually works like a charm when it comes to settling differences in parenting styles. Understanding how your children feel, especially when they are new to parenting, will make you a strong team. Seeking their approval before you make plans with your grandchildren or sharing your thoughtful advice without expecting them to take it can go a long way. This openness and empathy can be helpful for both of you to find common ground, even in tense moments.

Handling Heated Moments With Grace

When emotions run high in the case of a disagreement, they can escalate quickly if both sides refuse to come at the problem from another perspective. When this happens, it is important to understand that such feelings are common and are not a reflection of your relationship with your child.

Instead, when emotions are high, take a moment to take a step back and breathe. If needed, walk away from the conversation. When you give yourself some time, things will calm down, and you can talk to your child and sort out issues with warmth and understanding.

You must remember that even if your children choose to adopt a parenting style that is different from yours, they still need your support to navigate this new phase in their lives, especially if they are first-time parents.

Prioritizing Connection Over Perfection

Empathy and openness can go a long way in building stronger relationships within your family, especially with your children, who are now new parents. Being on the outside and not being directly responsible for your grandchildren will give you a new perspective towards parenting, and you might even feel pride at how well your child navigates difficult situations as a parent – even if they choose not to tackle a situation the way you would have. The joy you feel when you see that your child has grown into a responsible parent will be fulfilling.

For parents and grandparents, a great way to handle parenting differences peacefully is to realize that perfection isn’t the goal. Instead of setting unrealistic standards or expecting them to follow your parenting footsteps to the T, focus on joyful connection and quality time spent with your loved ones.

Offering Gentle Guidance and Support

Your years of experience will make you a comforting presence for your children as they learn about parenting. On some days, they will feel on top of the world as everything clicks. On the flip side, there will be days that may bring more questions and uncertainty. Having dealt with such situations, your encouragement and support can greatly help your children navigate the difficulties of parenthood.

A light-handed approach, where you give solutions without making them feel judged or overwhelmed, is a positive grandparenting tip that helps. This approach involves offering intergenerational parenting advice without making it look like you are intervening in their parenting methods.

For example, offer to babysit during evenings to give your child a much-needed break. You can also help your grandchildren with school activities at times or lend a hand with cooking during busy weekends. Such support shows your willingness to lend a helping hand while giving your children the space to make their own parenting decisions. Supporting from the sidelines prepares you to navigate moments when compromise is needed for the benefit of the family.

Compromising When Necessary

Ultimately, parenting and grandparenting go hand in hand. When new parents face uncertainties while taking care of their children, they naturally learn from their own parents’ experiences. Sometimes, they may also make decisions that seem different from those their parents would have made. If you face such situations, it helps to follow these simple steps-

• Pause for a moment and take a deep breath.
• Ask yourself: “Is this decision harmful, or just different from mine?”
• Reflect on your answer and reply gently.

If the parenting decision is just a new approach, then remind yourself that the journey of respectful grandparenting is not about “right” or “wrong.” It’s about growing and learning together and respecting each other’s loving intentions. By allowing space for compromise, parenting and grandparenting can become smoother and more enjoyable for everyone.