Love After Retirement: Secrets to a Lasting Senior Marriage

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” – Mignon McLaughlin.

This statement holds true, especially when you spend more time with your beloved partner after retirement. While a marriage that lasts until retirement is an accomplishment in and of itself, those that succeed pass the test of time, having mastered the art of navigating life’s complexities and companionship with grace. So, to deepen and nurture your bond in this exciting phase of life, look at a few marriage tips after retirement.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

This cannot be emphasized enough. Communication is perhaps the most essential part of building a strong relationship. A strong marriage is built on transparent, consistent, and compassionate communication. Another part of it requires being open about thoughts and feelings. Also, remember, communication is a two-way street. To keep the love alive in later years, you must try to:

• Listen carefully to what your partner is saying without reacting instantly to it
• Be mindful of how much is spoken at any given time
• Empathize with them, validate their emotions, and make them feel heard

This isn’t a universal approach to communication, but the more you converse with your partner, the better both of you will feel valued and heard.

Take a Step Back and Rethink Expectations

Retirement invokes a range of emotions and brings along exciting opportunities to discover new purpose and passions. During this phase, you and your partner may find yourselves pursuing different goals. You might picture travelling or picking up a hobby, while your spouse may have something totally opposite in mind. This makes it important to sit down and rethink expectations together.

In the book AARP Love and Meaning After 50: The 10 Challenges to Great Relationships, Barry J. Jacobs, a clinical psychologist and co-author, explains how a series of conversations needs to transpire to navigate this new phase. Talk with each other about whether you’d want to indulge in shared adventures, or if either of you requires space—some “me time” won’t hurt. Rather than assuming you are on the same page, take the time to discuss and negotiate these preferences. This way, you can reduce unnecessary friction and even strengthen your marriage.

Set Budgets and Monitor Finances Together

A regular job provides more financial freedom, but retirement can limit income. This makes it important to set daily and monthly budgets and monitor finances together.

Quora user Gary Kehr explains that having joint accounts and paying bills together helps him and his spouse stay aligned on their money matters and make major financial decisions. He further expresses how money plays an influential role in any marriage, and more so after retirement. When both spouses understand their financial standing and agree on drawing spending boundaries, it significantly reduces conflicts over money.

Balance Errands

In some households, one partner is the sole breadwinner while the other is a homemaker. This situation makes it easy for the retiree to assume that they have earned a permanent break from work. Moreover, if the retired spouse previously held a managerial role, they may unintentionally start to take charge of household chores performed by their partner. This approach may not be the best option for a healthy marriage.

Here, it becomes important to recognize that the homemaker’s role does not really have a retirement period. So, when both spouses are at home, household chores and responsibilities need to be shared equally so that there is no room to overburden one person.

Keep the Compliments Coming

Complimenting your spouse is another key element to maintaining a healthy marriage, even after retirement. According to relationship researcher John Gottman, compliments outnumber criticisms by more than five to one in good marriages. The compliments you give can be as simple as appreciating your spouse for taking out the trash every morning or admiring their beauty in an outfit.

When you admire and appreciate your spouse for minute things, it encourages positive behaviour and improves emotional connection. For instance, a Reddit user named Captain-Popcorn shares that he regularly compliments his wife. Although it may seem a bit cheesy, he never misses an opportunity to tell her how beautiful, special, and amazing she is, all the time. She even dismisses his compliments at times, but she knows he is being genuine, which makes her treat him more kindly.

Create Boundaries

Setting up personal boundaries at home can do wonders for a relationship. Both you and your spouse can benefit from having a dedicated spot to unwind, which is especially valuable when you need to recharge or enjoy some alone time.

But, remember, don’t rush into it. Take your time in setting up personal zones, as the concept of having a personal space may differ, especially if you’re planning to downsize your home or travel together in an RV. Additionally, learning to say no to certain commitments or activities that don’t resonate with you is equally important. This practice will help safeguard your time and energy, preventing unwanted conflicts later on.

Prioritize Physical and Emotional Affection

Being retired does not mean you need to put an end to romance—in fact, it can be quite the opposite. With more time spent at home, you’ll have enough room to reignite the spark that once ran dry over the hustling years. You can use this time to prioritize physical and emotional affection. Simple gestures like holding hands, sharing hugs, or even giving a loving pat on the back can enhance your sense of connection and improve your emotional bonding in retirement.

Studies show that caring gestures release those “feel-good” hormones and reduce stress, which eventually helps you age happily together. In a nutshell, it is never too late to slow dance with your partner in the living room to your favourite song.